To Brittany, with Love

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8990448/2/I-m-never-gonna-stop-trying

Dear Brittany,

Last night I thought about our last conversation. About all the things you said. You told me that Kurt and Rachel found someone else, why shouldn’t I. Did you really mean it? Did you send me here to show me that everyone can move on? Did you think that by living with them it will be easier for me to let go?

I actually found a real girlfriend. She is sweet and innocent. She always know what to say to make me feel better. And when she smiles my heart melts in my chest. But … she doesn’t want me. What one does in that situation?

You told me to not look for a best friend because this spot is already taken. You were right. But the spot for love is taken too… by the same person. Because no one knows me better than you do. When I’m with you I feel like I matter. Because you believe in me. You always have. Just like then. You believed in me enough to make me chase my dreams. Because you felt like I deserve it. Is that not a love for you?

Well I like to believe it’s more than love of a best friend.

Rachel and Kurt maybe moved on but I’ll tell you a little secret. They never look at those people the way they looked at Finn or Blaine. I know because they used to look at them the way I looke at you. Like there is no one else in the room.

Do you remember when we broke up? I think about it a lot. I thought I was doing the right thing because you said it hurts to be left behind. And all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. That’s why I wanted you to move on but until you did I never knew how bad it would hurt.

But when I sang you the song I meant every single word of it. There are so many songs that go through my mind. But my favorite right now is Jason Mraz ‘I won’t give up’. I wish I could sing it to you.

I know I said you are my best friend. And that’s the truth. But what I didn’t say was that you are ‘it’ for me. That you are my dream and my future…

I just hope Sam will look after you. For me. Until I’ll get you back. Because you know…

…I’m never gonna stop trying.

S.

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One thought on “To Brittany, with Love

  1. This passage is a great example of encouraged queer readings. In a love letter to Brittany, S (We are led to believe this is Santana) essentially describes how heartbroken she is to have lost her girlfriend and how much she still loves Brittany. While the love letter itself is somewhat cliché, it lends itself to the reader’s identification with either Santana (sender of letter) or Brittany (receiver of letter). The letter is relatively gender ambiguous, meaning Santana and Brittany’s positions can each be interpreted as masculine and/or feminine. With or without knowing who “S.” is, both males and females can identify with S. because the content of the letter is simply an honest expression of a common and gender neutral feeling: heartbreak. The concept of the love letter is also commonly associated with heterosexual couples, creating opportunity for heterosexual men and women to identify with the emotions, regardless of their differing sexuality. This passage exemplifies a queer reading because it allows for people of all gender and sexualities to relate to, or take a queer position on, a lesbian couple’s romance. Santana addresses her female lover, yet the content of the letter does not constrict identification to strictly lesbians. The focus of this letter is not Santana’s orientation; it is, rather, the content.

    Side note: Although we posited “emotion” as a feminine characteristic in class, the men on Glee expand and transcend masculine norms through the expression of emotion via songs and the general narrative. While this may still be considered gender “trouble” in contemporary society (demonstrated in our class discussion), males in relationships occupy a privileged site where emotional expression is encouraged, usually by a partner—and thus the expressions do not threaten the masculine position. Therefore, males can find identifiable elements within Santana’s heartfelt declaration. Santana’s love for Brittany becomes more meaningful to males through their cross-gender identification with either woman.

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