Nothing Much More

Kurt-

I wish it was the other way around. Clearly, my personality calls for it. He should be the one on his knees, begging for me to let him take me on just one date. Plead for just one more kiss. That’s not me at all. So when Finn rejects my offer to go out for coffee, I’m already at my limit. Kurt Hummel does not ask anyone out. Clearly not. Because I’m so much better than that. I thought I’d made it quite obvious.

But Finn has made it quite obvious that he’s not interested in me. He has a girlfriend and a baby on the way. I just wish that he would at least just consider me as a friend. I’m a little hurt.

I would like to make a move, even if he pushed me away. Even if, just for a second, I got to feel those soft lips on mine, I would be so happy… But I guess I’m just not that confident.

I know it’s my fault, really. I shouldn’t have done this. Fallen for such a stuck up, meat-head like him. But Kurt Hummel doesn’t fall in love. Kurt doesn’t cry either.

But it seems I’ve already broken my own rules.

Finn-

I wish I could’ve said yes to him. There is something about his cocky smile. He thinks he’s so much better than everyone else. Well, he sort of is..

Truth is, I would have loved to catch up with him for coffee. He’s so funny and smart. Something so amazing about the way he smiles, the way he laughs, the way he moves. He’s.. Well, he’s beautiful. But that’s what I’m so afraid of. If I let myself be friends with him, I might fall for him. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not gay. I’m the captain of the football team. I have a reputation to uphold. And I have a pregnant girlfriend- I’m so not ready for that, but that’s the way life is.

He’s the flouncy, preppy pretty little gay, and I’m the popular jock with the preggers girlfriend.

Truth be told, I quite like the kid. Sometimes, I want to reach out and touch him, but I know I can’t. I’ll be called a homo and thrown in the bin. Just like him. He must be so strong to have to deal with that every day.

I wish I was strong enough to at least be his friend. A close one.

When no one is around, I know that I think about him far too much. If I dare to go a step further, I can admit that I’ve wanted him to kiss me.

But nothing will ever happen. And I guess that’s just the way it’ll always be. I’m okay with that.

But I’m really not.

Kurt-

I don’t know why I’m still here. Glee finished hours ago, but I’m still here wandering the halls. English department to the left, Languages to the right. My body steers me right, and I find myself standing in the Spanish room. I couldn’t tell you why, I’m not even sure myself.

Two left, three back. That’s where Finn sits. I sweep gracefully over to his desk, and sit comfortably in the chair. It smells like him. Vanilla with a hint of spice. Wonderful. Exciting. Forbidden.

A soft crinkling noise brings me back to reality. The piece of paper below my foot, scrunched into an untidy mess innocently rolls a little ways. Curiously, I pick it up and give it an experimental prod. Seems harmless enough. I open it with care and stare at the words covering the page. At first I drop it with shock, but soon enough, I pick it up with haste.

‘Kurt Hummel’ written all over the page. Little love hearts surrounding each letter. Finn’s writing. I know it all too well.

A smile graces my lips. I know I should go to his house right now and show him what Kurt Hummel can do. I should kiss him, and hold him, and tell him how things will just be right, and that I knew all along, even though I didn’t. I should, but I wont.

I guess I’m just not that confident.

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2 thoughts on “Nothing Much More

  1. After reading this Kurt/Finn story I realized that with the deletion of a few key words and maybe an exclusion of names, this piece could be about any two people. Besides the detail of Finn being the coach of the football team, there are few details of each section that specifically mentions the character’s sex. There is a queer construction both in the relationship itself (one able to exist amongst various individuals) as well creating this intensified attraction between Kurt and Finn. As Doty notes, “queer positions might be occupied whenever anyone produces or responds to culture” (338). The internet has done an amazing thing of connecting people with similar queer readings in addition to providing the space to experiment with fanfiction. While there may be one dominant point of view or direction of dialogue, one can interpret the various characters and relationships endlessly.

  2. Nathan’s comment brings up a good point- the author tells a story that is very universal, and with few gender specifics. The author of this fan fiction is not only illustrating a personal queer reading of the original media, Glee, but creating a fiction which perfectly invokes queer moments in the reader. The pairing suggested, Kurt/Finn, is a queer reading that is very much supported by the episode we watched in class; namely, when Finn performs from a queer position as he sings a romantic song to Kurt.
    Doty explains that “Queer positions, queer readings, and queer pleasures are part of a reception space that stands simultaneously beside and within that created by heterosexual and straight positions” (345)P. art of the appeal of this universal aspect of this fanfic is that a reader can identify herself or himself with one of the characters all the more easily, regardless of the reader’s gender or orientation. Not only would gay males be able to identify with this story of wistful attraction, but any person of any gender or orientation could easily identify with this first-person story. While especially meaningful to the gay males, Kurt represents on Glee, the universality of the wistful attraction left unnoticed is something most teenagers can relate to. In this instance of ego self-identification with Kurt or Finn, any reader other than a white, gay, male will automatically be a participant in a queer moment– Judith Butler would approve.

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