I wish it was the other way around. Clearly, my personality calls for it. He should be the one on his knees, begging for me to let him take me on just one date. Plead for just one more kiss. That’s not me at all. So when Finn rejects my offer to go out for coffee, I’m already at my limit. Kurt Hummel does not ask anyone out. Clearly not. Because I’m so much better than that. I thought I’d made it quite obvious.
But Finn has made it quite obvious that he’s not interested in me. He has a girlfriend and a baby on the way. I just wish that he would at least just consider me as a friend. I’m a little hurt.
I would like to make a move, even if he pushed me away. Even if, just for a second, I got to feel those soft lips on mine, I would be so happy… But I guess I’m just not that confident.
I know it’s my fault, really. I shouldn’t have done this. Fallen for such a stuck up, meat-head like him. But Kurt Hummel doesn’t fall in love. Kurt doesn’t cry either.
But it seems I’ve already broken my own rules.
I wish I could’ve said yes to him. There is something about his cocky smile. He thinks he’s so much better than everyone else. Well, he sort of is..
Truth is, I would have loved to catch up with him for coffee. He’s so funny and smart. Something so amazing about the way he smiles, the way he laughs, the way he moves. He’s.. Well, he’s beautiful. But that’s what I’m so afraid of. If I let myself be friends with him, I might fall for him. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not gay. I’m the captain of the football team. I have a reputation to uphold. And I have a pregnant girlfriend- I’m so not ready for that, but that’s the way life is.
He’s the flouncy, preppy pretty little gay, and I’m the popular jock with the preggers girlfriend.
Truth be told, I quite like the kid. Sometimes, I want to reach out and touch him, but I know I can’t. I’ll be called a homo and thrown in the bin. Just like him. He must be so strong to have to deal with that every day.
I wish I was strong enough to at least be his friend. A close one.
When no one is around, I know that I think about him far too much. If I dare to go a step further, I can admit that I’ve wanted him to kiss me.
But nothing will ever happen. And I guess that’s just the way it’ll always be. I’m okay with that.
But I’m really not.
I don’t know why I’m still here. Glee finished hours ago, but I’m still here wandering the halls. English department to the left, Languages to the right. My body steers me right, and I find myself standing in the Spanish room. I couldn’t tell you why, I’m not even sure myself.
Two left, three back. That’s where Finn sits. I sweep gracefully over to his desk, and sit comfortably in the chair. It smells like him. Vanilla with a hint of spice. Wonderful. Exciting. Forbidden.
A soft crinkling noise brings me back to reality. The piece of paper below my foot, scrunched into an untidy mess innocently rolls a little ways. Curiously, I pick it up and give it an experimental prod. Seems harmless enough. I open it with care and stare at the words covering the page. At first I drop it with shock, but soon enough, I pick it up with haste.
‘Kurt Hummel’ written all over the page. Little love hearts surrounding each letter. Finn’s writing. I know it all too well.
A smile graces my lips. I know I should go to his house right now and show him what Kurt Hummel can do. I should kiss him, and hold him, and tell him how things will just be right, and that I knew all along, even though I didn’t. I should, but I wont.
I guess I’m just not that confident.